Abstract:

When Ellen Berg, a school teacher of the year, feels irritated that her school's assistant principal will observe her class, she realizes the irritation from stems not from arrogance about her own abilities but from fear--and that this fear is a good thing bcause it means she is still striving to improve as a teacher.

Berg, E. (2004). Observe me? Surely you jest ... Teacher Leaders Network diaries. Retrieved from the Teacher Leaders Network 10 Apr 2008. Link: http://www.teacherleaders.org/old_site/diaries04_05/EB05_04_05.html 

Full Text:

Observe Me? Surely You Jest...

On Friday afternoon my assistant principal handed me a sheet of paper and said, "I'll be in to observe sometime next week." I love this lady and she thinks highly of me, but my first thought was, "What??? Me? You must be thinking about someone else!"

It seems that as one part of our MAPAttack accountability model, teachers are going to be observed frequently. Each time a special rating form will be completed, signed and filed in our folders. It feels as if there is yet another new way we will be scrutinized every week, something not listed on the MAPAttack website or shared in staff meetings. I am finding it difficult to keep each accountability and transparency issue straight in my mind.

Not that I think frequent observations are a bad idea. On Friday afternoon when my assistant principal handed me a copy of the teacher observation form, I was thinking it was about time someone checked in on all of those teachers who aren't doing diddly in their classrooms when the words, "I'll be in to observe sometime next week," left her lips.

I mean, look who I am! I am the communication arts department chair, Turner Middle's 2004 Teacher of the Year, a teacher who spends a lot of time and money developing myself professionally.... Observations and paper trails are fine for those other folks who do not do their jobs, not people like me! I don't need fixing.

Yes, folks, those thoughts ran through my head. I was annoyed, aggravated and incensed.

Fortunately I am blessed with a healthy checks and balance system that, over the weekend, helped me see what an arrogant, complacent little snot I was being. Why should I or anyone else be exempt from observation or anything else designed to impact student achievement? What kind of message would it send to colleagues if some of us were observed while others were not? What hope for true collaboration and building a learning community would exist after a stunt like that? Since when had I become so conceited?

And, perhaps a more important question for me personally, just what am I afraid of?

If I am really that good, then any observation ought to be no big deal. I am confident that I am becoming a high quality teacher, but I wonder what others might see when they look closely at what is happening in my classroom. I have weaknesses enough, areas I know I still have room to grow. It is because of some of these weaknesses I have not begun the National Board process.

I am comfortable with knowing I still have a long way to go before I am perfect because I work hard to learn and grow every year. However, I am not comfortable with others spotting my weaknesses and perhaps revising their opinions of me. They cannot know through a half-hour observation that I have just picked up a new book to help me learn how to differentiate instruction more effectively with my higher end kids or that I am trying to become more proficient with guided reading groups. I am at the mercy of a half-hour snapshot that may or may not represent the teacher I am or the teacher I am in the process of becoming.

And so perhaps you will not judge me so harshly now that you know my first reaction was based in fear rather than in any real sense of arrogance or complacency. Strangely enough, fear is not frightening to me in the way that complacency might be. True complacency would be a sign that it is time to turn in my chalk and pursue another profession. Fear means I am still kicking and eager to improve. At least with fear, I can do as the main character, Jack, on ABC's new TV show Lost shared in the first episode — give myself five full seconds to really feel the fear, then act.

One, two, three, four, five...

Action.

• Tagged
• XML
• BibTex